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Category: Simple Life Series

(Mega) Mums’ List #7

Hello you!

It’s been a while (about two weeks) since I did any blogging but I’ve been feeling like I should check in before I forget how to use WordPress 😉 and just say Hi!

Over the past fourteen days I have vacillated between “Thank God I’m not doing the blog anymore” and “I really miss the blog”. Today I am missing it and I am full of ideas of where I want to take it, hence the post.

I’ve decided to link up with the Mums’ List linky, hosted by Hannah at Mums’ Days even though this is a round up of the last fortnight, not just the last week. I’m sure she’ll forgive me?

REAL LIFE

On Easter Sunday it was Gwenn’s first birthday. We didn’t have a birthday party, but here are a few photos of the weekend.

Enjoying her brand new birthday trike
Birthday cake!!!
Lambs at Whitehouse Farm
Playing it cool …
It was a very tiring birthday weekend

Recently we have been all about moving house; practically every conversation and activity has involved the big move in some way shape or form. Fingers crossed, we are completing this Friday (until I have the keys in my hand I won’t believe it). We went to see the house again on Monday and it put such a spring in our step. It gave us a glimpse of how our life will be once we live there and despite not wanting to get too excited, I am TOO excited! I am planning to do a proper post about the move, once it happens and maybe some stuff about the renovations, if I have the time and feel like it’ll be of interest to anyone?

This has also been “shit mam” week. Basically, I have been feeling like my mam skillz have been fairly poor. What set it off was comparing Gwenn to other babies her age, and especially when I heard somebody talking about their baby’s speech. Not a single family member or health professional has ever suggested that Gwenn is behind with her language development but I got it into my head that the fact she only dadas and mamas at the moment is my fault and that I’m not talking to her or reading with her enough.

Then, I started to feel really down about how I look and I’m very aware that by this stage, I really shouldn’t be going around looking as bad as I do on a regular basis. But I have been prioritising sleep over everything else, so getting up early to go in the shower, wash my hair, whatever, has been the furthest thing from my mind and I don’t really give myself much time to make myself presentable before me and Gwenn go out for the day.

On top of that, I have been feeling guilty about how often we have been leaving her with my mam while we have been packing up the flat, going to buy new furniture, visiting the new house to take measurements, all the house move-y things. It’s bad enough that I’m at work three days a week, now I’m palming her off on relatives when really I should be with her on my days off.

So, all in all, I have been feeling really down on myself but I couldn’t really work out why all of a sudden I was feeling so vile when the things that have been getting me down aren’t exactly recent developments (trust me, I’ve been looking a clip for the last year 😉 ) Well, prepare yourself for TMI time but I think it’s all down to breastfeeding hormones, or lack thereof. I stopped breastfeeding completely the same week I went back to work (when Gwenn was about 9.5 months) but I was still lactating (this is what I meant by TMI!!) for at least 8 weeks after that. I stopped checking after two months because I knew that the day I did, and nothing came out (again, TMI) I would feel like the worst person in the world. But, after three months, I know I have definitely stopped “producing” and I have been feeling really upset and empty. I have been having really vivid and distressing dreams in which Gwenn is either still feeding, or she tries to but nothing happens and I’m in loads of pain. Now that I know that there’s no way we can ever breastfeed again I am feeling guilty for giving up but also useless because I now have nothing to offer her that she couldn’t get from anybody else. For example, when she was about seven months old, we were in the village and had about 35 minutes to get some lunch before Andrew had an appointment to have his hair cut. We bumped into Andrew’s brother and wife and they offered to take Gwenn while we got something to eat so we went into a pub while they took her for a walk. While Andrew was in the hairdressers, I had a walk around some second hand shops and got a phonecall from my sister-in-law saying that Gwenn was really distressed, that they had tried everything (and they have three children so they have the skills!) but she was going to have to bring her back. When I met them, Gwenn was crying so much she could barely breathe and I could not calm her down. So I sat in the waiting area of the hairdressers, and breastfed her, and within half a minute she had totally calmed down. She barely fed; she mustn’t have been hungry. She just wanted the comfort of booby. I can’t do that anymore. If she is sad, or scared, I can’t offer her anything different to anybody else.

I never knew it would be so hard to give up breastfeeding. The irony of this is not lost on me as in the early days of pain, tears, sleep deprivation, obsessive Googling and self-loathing, I hated every second of it and couldn’t wait until the six month mark so I could stop. I feel as if a part of me has died and I have lost a connection with Gwenn that I can never ever get back. But, this too shall pass and I’m sure that in a few weeks I will be feeling better.

 BLOG

I’ve been spending a bit (not enough, but every little helps) on my Pinterest boards and learning more about how to use it better. I’m hoping when I start blogging again properly I will be able to use Pinterest alongside the blog, rather than as an afterthought.

I think it’ll be another month easily before I can think about blogging properly because we’re going to have some much to do in the house, but working on the social media side of things makes me feel a bit better.

INTERNET INSPIRATION

I thought that Blogging, a full time job? by Aby at You Baby Me Mummy was so interesting for bloggers and non-bloggers alike. I know that I will never ever be able (or willing?) to devote that much time to my blog but Aby’s site is a testament to the hard work she puts in.

And since I have been having a shit couple of weeks, I absolutely loved The day I broke…..and Follow up to ‘The Day I broke’… by Ashlie at Sugar Rushed. I’m sorry, but I was howling at this:

“I will never forget the day Archie came back from a trip out with Daddy on a rare Saturday I had to work wearing, ripped joggers, a Pyjama top and Christmas socks … in May. My husband looked genuinely terrified when eyes bulging I asked “Did you see anyone we know?!””

The rest of the posts are just as hilarious; I promise you, it’ll be the funniest thing you’ve read all week!

So, that was me, and my weeks! Hopefully I’ll be back soon.

xxxx

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Honey, I’m home …?

We have now been in the house for 6 days and already, I am starting to feel a familiar anxiety creeping in.

Ever since I can remember, I have been overly conscious of what people think of me. When I was younger my parents were always at pains to point out that “Bethan, nobody else could care less what you are doing” but unfortunately this has not been a lesson I have found easy to learn and still, at the grand old age of 31, I worry myself sick about how I come across to both strangers and people I know.

We bought this house from a developer who had previously let it to a young family. It’s not decorated to my taste and it has not been kept up to a standard I would have, but there is nothing horribly offensive about the decor (apart from the wallpaper in the bedroom possibly 😉 ) and after a good clean it was certainly ready to move into. That is, of course, if you are a normal person. But I am not a normal person …

After less than a week of living here, I am already dreading visitors. What if they think the light fittings in the hall and living room are of our choosing? I’ll have to make sure I tell them straight away that we are going to take them down in a few weeks. And the walls downstairs are kind of magnolia, and I only do white so I’ll have to make sure I let people know that we are repainting the entire interior as soon as we can. And that vestibule door; I hope they don’t think we hung that? Of all the doors to chose from, that would be the last one I’d have bought. And while I’m on the subject, maybe if I stand the new kitchen blind up in the kitchen, people will realise that the one already there is not staying. I could go on …

I honestly feel like handing out a leaflet (or audio guide – I’m down with the kids) at the door explaining to visitors what has and hasn’t been authorised by me. If I walked into somebody’s home with the knowledge they had just moved in, I wouldn’t even look at the paintwork or furniture or heaps of unpacked boxes; I would focus on the space and the potential. Why can’t I be so understanding of myself?

Here are a few photos that I snapped while Gwenn was napping. As frustrating as this stage is, I’m also really looking forward to sharing the renovation works as times go on as part of my (small but growing!) Simple Life series. Hopefully any future updates will show me in a slightly better light than these ones do!!!

Until next time …

xx

(PS This post was written entirely using the WordPress app and 3G, as we are Wifi-less until the 22nd!!)

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After having a shared garden for the last 18 months, even a foldy chair in a concreted yard is heaven!

It’s fair to say that searching “laundry room” on Pinterest have never resulted in anything like this:

At 6:30 this morning, an oak shelf (that Andrew made himself and was very proud of) carrying about 9 pint glasses and what turned out to be a few too many cookbooks, fell off the wall and sent tiny shards of glass flying across the kitchen. This is all that remains …

This is what happens when you turn up at the allocated spot in Ikea and there is just a blank space. All the chairs, no table.

Transom windows and sleeping babies do not mix. Thank God for microwave packaging!

Operation “Completely make over this God awful bathroom” begins this weekend!

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I’m linking up with the Binky Linky via the fabulous Twin Mummy and Daddy

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