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Weight Loss Diary #2 (kind of …)

Okay, so I haven’t actually got weighed this week.

If I get weighed, and the scales don’t say what I like, then I tend to go on a cake and chocolate binge. It is the wrong time of the month and with all the water retention and general bleurgh-ness going on, I have a feeling any weigh-in will result in aforementioned binge, which won’t help me in the long run.

So, I have decided to give it a few days and get weighed when I don’t feel like the Stay Puft man.

But, I did say I was going to share my progress every week, so I thought I should write something and since my last post, I have made some observations about me and my eating habits.

But first, some sad news: I have lost my pedometer. I know it is somewhere in the house, but I’ll be damned if I can lay my hands on it. It’s not the end of the world really, because I’ve been wearing it for long enough to know roughly how far I have to walk in order to come in on a 70k a week target, but I’m still annoyed with myself that it has gone missing.

But, back to my observations.

1. I am very guilty of unconscious eating. Unconscious eating is eating mindlessly or eating without thinking. You know, when you’re preparing dinner but keep taking handfuls of Coco Pops out of the box or when you’re at a party and you help yourself to Pringles but can’t say with any authority how many you actually had.

The other day I had toast for breakfast and toast for tea. Other than that I honestly couldn’t accurately record what I had because it all blended into one. At lunch time I had some of what Gwenn was having and I also stole some of her pasta at her tea time, a couple of forkfuls maybe. When I baked muffins at my mam’s I definitely had one when Gwenn was napping and I had another half when I shared one with her later. But I also know that I picked around the edges of at least another two that were two shameful to put “on display” as it were. I very often have difficulty pin pointing what I’ve eaten because I eat a lot while making Gwenn’s meals, usually while standing up or walking around clearing up after her. It’s a rare occasion that I actually sit down and mindfully eat a meal.

Obviously the outcome of this is that it’s very easy to lose track of consumption but also there is very little enjoyment of eating.

2. I’ve become increasingly aware, as I lose more weight, that my body shape is very different. I knew this already, but the closer I get to my target weight without getting any closer to fitting in my old clothes, it’s obvious that even if I do get to the hallowed 12st 10, I’m not going to look the same as last time I was 12st 10!

I’ve been looking for some photos to demonstrate what I mean and I struggled because I don’t have that many full length photos in which I’m not using Gwenn as a shield!

This is me when I was getting towards my heaviest, pre-pregnancy that is. Amazing tan, granted, but my face looks like it’s been blown up with a foot pump (oh, and the image is tiny but it’s the best I could find that conveyed my point!).

My upper body looks really big – my arms especially. I don’t know exactly what I weighed here but it can’t be much more than I am now, and if it was, there’d have only been a few pounds in it.

The next one is from May (I think) this year when Gwenn was a year old yet in it I could easily pass for pregnant. My face looks so much slimmer than in the first photo but generally I’m like a human landslide. If you saw me without clothes on – DO NOT PANIC: That is not a threat! – you would see that from the belly button up I don’t look much different to before having a baby. But belly button down is just an absolute disaster.

This has got me thinking that I should be specifically targeting my middle somehow. Apart from cardiovascular, fat-burning exercise, is there anything I can do to slim down my core? When I was really fat, before getting married, I could still fit into size 16 skirts for work because I always had a little waist. Now, despite the fact that I’m lighter than I was then, I still can’t get any skirts zipped up because I’m such a different shape. I’ve been wearing a lot of trapeze and cocoon shapes recently because I’m so conscious of my waist (or lack thereof!)

So, please forgive me for chickening out of an actual weigh in! But also wish me luck this week in my attempt to eat more mindfully.

Did you find that your body shape changed a lot during pregnancy? Did it ever return to how it was before?


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